Brace yourself, this is a long one...
I haven't written much about our landlady here in Mérida because there was always the possibility that she or someone she knows might find out about the blog, thus making a difficult situation all the more difficult. But now we've moved out so I feel free to relate all the unsavory details about Bernice (not her real name). We found her rental apartment through Vacation Rentals By Owners (vrbo.com), which we've used before with only positive results. Alas, not so positive this time. Although we had paid for a full month stay here we left after just two weeks because Bernice's strange behavior made it increasingly uncomfortable for us to continue to share living space with her.
Upon our arrival on December 18th she was very slow to answer the door and seemed surprised to see us, despite having exchanged many previous emails, including one just a couple of days prior. She was dressed in shabby clothes with stains on them, her makeup was cracked and splotchy, she had food in her teeth and she asked us if we were Doris and Robert. She had this odd manner of speaking with long pauses accompanied by deer-in-the-headlights stares. We weren't sure if she was drunk, drugged up, or suffering dementia. Or possibly all three. Then she proceeded to give us a bizarre, rambling, 45 minute tour of the house and garden, frequently wandering off topic and leaving us wondering what we were getting into.
From her ad on vrbo.com and her emails we were under the impression that she had a home with two different rental apartments available, one upstairs and one downstairs. We had contracted with her to take the downstairs unit because it was larger and had a full kitchen. But during this initial tour it became obvious that she was still living in the downstairs space with all her clothes in the closet, her food in the refrigerator, and her kitty litter pans in the bathroom. We therefore had little choice but to instead use the upstairs apartment, despite having paid the slightly higher fee for the downstairs unit. We had grave misgivings about Bernice after this initial encounter but, having already paid half the monthly rent as a deposit and willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, we decided to stay.
Since the upstairs kitchenette was mostly nonfunctional, Bernice did allow us the use of her kitchen, which we took advantage of (after cleaning it first), but this awkward arrangement felt more like a home-share than the straight-up rental we were expecting. The first night Deborah prepared a meal in Bernice's kitchen and we invited her to share it with us as an opportunity to get to know her, but also because it felt awkward to use her kitchen and dining area and not offer her a meal. There we learned that she is 71 years old, originally from Washington, D.C., and a social activist in her younger years. More recently she reinvented herself as a photojournalist (we later learned that she wrote maybe two articles for International Living, and also wrote for a tiny newspaper on the island of Gozo in Malta). But, curiously, this “photojournalist” didn't seem to possess a working camera. She lived briefly in Puerto Vallarta before relocating to Mérida three years ago.
My wife being a kind soul and seeing Bernice disheveled and in a sling (due to an arm injury some weeks ago) and in need of some help decided to offer to Bernice on our first full day to clean and organize her kitchen. Also Deborah wanted it to be tidy and more functional since she was going to be using it on her month long vacation. Sharing a kitchen with her and helping to clean and organize her spaces gave us great insight into her habits, and quickly dispelled any doubts we might have had that Bernice is a serious alcoholic. We could see how fast she goes through those cans of tequila mixers, beer (including some she took from our refrigerator), wine, and bottles of tequila. The first week she drank 3 bottles of wine, 18 canned drinks and a full bottle of tequila. Early on, she even had us buy a couple of bottles of tequila for her, asking for the cheapest “rot gut” we could find. It only took her 2 days to go through an entire bottle. More recently, we also found a large empty bottle of denatured alcohol lying on the kitchen floor. We shudder to think that she might be drinking that as well. And I won't even go into all the boxes of pills laying about the house.
Bernice was throwing up the first 3 days we were there and complained of stomach pain. Deborah kept checking in on her to make sure she was okay. The excessive drinking of course contributes to this, as does her injured arm. But she eats very little – apparently mostly frozen pizzas. We invited her to share meals with us and Deborah went out of her way to get some nutritional food into Bernice, even preparing food for her on the days we went out sightseeing. She demonstrated very little energy and spent most of the day resting on her bed.
Bernice had occasional lucid moments but more often showed signs of great confusion, acted strangely or uttered statements that made no sense. Sometimes she would ask if we are in Malta or Mexico. She can't remember our names (I've been called Clark, Erik, Jesse, and Bob). We told her about a program called HelpEx, in which we participated last year where hosts give travelers room and board in exchange for help around the house for a few hours a day, thinking this could be of benefit to Bernice in the future. In Bernice's mind, since the two of us had been helping her out with some tasks around the house (only out of kindness, knowing she was somewhat handicapped with her sore arm), she became convinced that “our organization” was obligated to provide her 5 hours of labor a day, despite the fact that we were paying guests. No amount of explaining could clear her of this nonsensical notion.
She couldn't seem to retain basic information such as how to clean her pool – a pool which she has had for quite some time as we understand. It had only two inches of filthy water in it when we arrived. She filled the pool up, leaving the dirty water, leaves and other debris, and declared the pool was ready to use, but it was still very dirty and the filtering system was not working. So Bernice called the pool people complaining that her pool did not work and accusing them of doing a poor job. Deborah knows how to maintain a pool and she felt that is was fine, it just needed a proper cleaning. Apparently Bernice had never vacuumed the pool and did not even know where the attachment was located. Deborah found it still in the original package in the laundry room. So the pool people came out to shock the pool and clean the filters (at no cost) and to explain what needed to be done to maintain it. Bernice was uncooperative in paying attention, a bit argumentative and at one point drifted off from the conversation to go kill ants crawling up a nearby wall. We spoke to the pool people and verified the use of the pool equipment and the simple mechanics of which valves to change for pool maintenance. After that Deborah explained to Bernice on multiple occasions how to clean the pool. We're fairly sure Bernice retained none of it.
She also seems to have no concept of money or currency conversion. She confuses pesos and dollars and grossly overpays for many things, e.g. 600 pesos for a taxi ride that should cost no more than 60. She must have a reputation as an easy mark because we hear there was a long series of contractors and laborers who helped her renovate her house and each one ripped her off more than the previous. As for our dealings with her, although we had already paid half the monthly rent as a deposit before our arrival, she asked for the balance on only our second day there. Shortly afterward she gave us 1000 pesos to buy tequila which cost only 130 pesos, and was surprised at how much change she got back from us. A day or two later she gave us 200 pesos to buy a calendar and pick up a prescription for her. We did so, but the total for both was greater than 200 pesos and we made up the difference of 91 pesos ourselves. She didn't pay us back, quickly complaining of having no money. She also borrowed 50 pesos from us (also not paid back) to tip a man from whom she bought dirt, even though she later said something about signing a paper promising to pay the “dirt guy” the exorbitant fee of 1200 pesos. She later wanted to call the police to report this individual, even though she apparently agreed to pay this amount.
On another occasion she admonished Deborah for using too much water washing clothes, unaware that Deborah was washing Bernice's clothes as well, and also unaware that the washing machine had settings that match the size of the load. Then of course she goes and turns on the hose to water the plants and leaves the water running for six hours. On more than one occasion we have caught her literally with her pants down; an oversized pair of sweats slumped about her ankles, or standing buck naked in the back yard. Not a pretty sight.
She has also drifted off into bits of paranoid accusations about Deborah stealing her can opener (we heard that one three times) or me breaking her computer when I got her printer functioning again. And then there are the dozens of half-told ramblings and out-of-context utterances that just left us shaking our heads. Since leaving we have heard through the grapevine that she additionally accused us of being con artists and breaking her television, her microwave, and some dishes (we did none of those). She also claimed we didn't pay the doctor who she is seeing for her arm, who I am also seeing for my sore shoulder (more on that coming up in another blog post), as if she would have any knowledge of that even if it were true (it's not).
Despite being in Mexico for over three years, Bernice's Spanish is just terrible, which only adds to her social isolation. We had the opportunity to meet a number of people who know her and we are left with the impression that she has alienated almost everyone. She received only a few phone calls while we were there (mostly from her sister and one friend, we believe), and she left the house only four times that we are aware of while we were staying with her. One time she left to do some shopping but apparently got lost and stumbled back a few hours later empty-handed because she forgot her money. Another time Bernice wanted to treat us to dinner in appreciation for all the tasks we had done for her, but when she discovered she couldn't order a margarita at this particular restaurant she abruptly decided to take her meal home instead, leaving my wife and me to dine by ourselves. Yet another time the three of us went to a Christmas Eve gathering at her friend Dawn's house. Bernice was withdrawn all evening and ran out of steam early and wanted to go home; we found her coming down the stairs after wandering around on the second floor of the house. At Dawn's suggestion I accompanied Bernice home, which was fortunate because she was prepared to take a wrong turn after just half a block of walking. If I hadn't been there she might well have ended up on the far side of town in the middle of the night.
Much of Bernice's behavior can be attributed to her alcohol consumption but it seems to us like there is more going on. Could it be the beginning stages of dementia? Could the falls she has had in recent months caused brain injury? We don't claim to know. We just know she needs help. Bernice really just doesn't have what it takes to be an expat. She belongs in a cheap little condo in Florida that's easy to take care of, where the money is dollars, and everyone speaks English. We wrote a long description of our experience with Bernice and asked Dawn to forward it to Bernice's sister, because we felt the family needs to know what's going on as it is they who need to help her. But it seems the sister is in denial and uninterested in any serious intervention. That's unfortunate, because we see nothing but disaster in Bernice's future.
I'll soon report on our new digs, which are fab.
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